Tales from the Coffeeshop: The road to nowhere is paved with proposals

PREZNIKTWO has found a new lollipop to suck – the opening of the fenced area of Ammochostos (Varosha) under the UN, who will facilitate the return of its residents. In exchange, we will agree to the Turks surrendering control of the town’s port to the EU so the pseudo-state could conduct trade with the EU. A win-win for us and a lose-lose for the Turks, but according to the Prez the most important confidence-building measure and the first step for a settlement of the Cyprob. This is in keeping with his policy of bombarding the other side with new proposals that it would not accept but make good headlines. Before the Ammochostos proposal, which was exactly the same as the one made by Ethnarch Tassos 21 years ago, he had gone to a meeting with Tufan Erhurman and presented 19 new ideas for discussion that were not accepted, nor were they disclosed by either leader, for some unknown reason. You had to be on some very strong mind-altering drugs or had recently undergone a lobotomy to believe there was a chance in a billion the Turks would even consider giving up control of the port and surrendering the fenced area of Varosha to build confidence. THE TWO sides have been trying to open a couple of crossing points for more than a year and cannot reach agreement. Here again, the idea was to open a couple of crossings, but our Prez proposed opening six or seven, secure in the knowledge that this would make it impossible to reach an agreement. But it sounded good. If in over a year we could not agree on the opening of a couple crossings, for an agreement on the Ammochostos CBM, which is a thousand times more complicated, a decade or two could be required. And when would there be a resumption of the talks and a settlement if the first step towards a settlement takes 10 or 15 years to be made? It is entirely possible that the Prez brought up the Ammochostos CBM because he had a scheduled meeting with the Ammochostos municipal council last Monday and the next day he addressed a gathering organised by the Ammochostos sports club. It was thoughtful of him to put the town in the news ahead of these meetings and create a feelgood factor as well as showing Varosiotes that he really cares about their town. A MORE plausible explanation was that the Prez was taking them for a ride. At his meeting with the mayor and councilors of Ammochostos at the presidential palace on Monday he told them (with a straight face from what I hear) that his proposal for the fenced area of the town was rejected by the other side but remained on the table. How can it be on the table when the other side rejected it? The only table his proposal was on was the one the prez, the mayor and the councilors were sitting at in the presidential palace. And it would still be there then next time the municipal council visited the prez. The presidential farce did not end there. He buttered up the mayor and the councilors by telling them. “This (return of the fenced area) is a matter I would like to discuss today so we can see how we could enrich, formulate, change it so that, with your contribution, we have a positive result.” How can there be a positive result to something that the other side is not prepared to discuss, the UN has not included in the CBMs it was seeking agreement on, and only our deluded prez claims is on the table? Varosha THERE was some good news to come out of the meeting for the Ammochsotos council. The Prez told them that there “is the matter of the construction of a new municipal palace, we are at an amount, so far, of €700,000, which is already in the budget of the interior ministry; I saw a new study that was submitted and we will discuss it.” Was he being serious about the construction of a municipal palace for Ammochostos or is this just a plan for when we move back into the fenced area of the town? Because until then, there does not seem to be any need for a municipal palace. It is enough paying a mayor and councilors, who have no work to do, without also having to pay for a new building for them to do nothing in, on the rare occasions they visit it. MARIA Angela Holguin was back on the island on Thursday and on Friday she met the Prez with whom, according to the latter, she discussed the 19 points Erhurman had not accepted but, like Ammochostos, were still on some table. The prez was upbeat after the meeting which came “at a critical juncture, involving critical processes.” He said: “Let us take note of the fact that, justifiably, based on what has been discussed, we are cautiously optimistic, and we are hoping that this optimism will translate into concrete, positive results.” Holguin was also optimistic, because there were some “advances in the CBM, in methodology and in substance, and if we get this we are going to have the 5+1 meeting” before the end of the year. Whether this will lead to resumption of talks is another matter. UN envoy Maria Angela Holguin was back on the island and met the Prez with whom she discussed the 19 points Erhurman had not accepted but, like Ammochostos, were still on some table THE BICKERING at Disy continued last week. After Averof Neophytou and George Pamboridis submitted their candidacies for the ‘villager v butter-boy’ showdown, another butter-boy threw a wobbly. This time it was the former finance minister Harris Georgiades, another English School voutiropedo, who tendered his resignation as chairman of the Glafcos Clerides Institute and informed the party leadership in a letter he made public that if Averof was the Disy presidential candidate he would not vote for him. He said he could not vote for Averof after his “blatant political blackmail” which caused the party leader to withdraw from the candidacy contest. Why did he feel the need to make public what he thinks about Averof? Does anyone care what Harris thinks? Or perhaps he saw this as an opportunity to advertise his high moral fibre? Perhaps he is preparing to mount a leadership challenge as he has been left without any meaningful role in the party, even if he will stay as head of the institute, because Annita did not accept his resignation. THE PROBLEM is that Harris only knows how to be a politician. Former Edek leader Dr Marinos Sizo, in contrast, slipped straight back into his previous job after his scorched earth leadership of the party. On Friday morning he was on the Andreas Dimitropoulos TV show on Sigma, enlightening us about Botox treatments. He seemed to know his stuff pretty well confirming the view that he is a much better dermatologist than a politician. If there was the equivalent of a medical association in politics, Dr Sizo would never have been given permission to practise and Edek might still be alive today. THE PRESIDENTIAL election preparations kicked off at Akel on Saturday, with party boss, comrade Stef Stef informing the members of the central committee about his action plan. He presented the “seven basic axes for the progressive change” the commies are seeking. The party has made no decision about the candidate, but would embark on consultations with other political forces in the immediate future, said Stef Stef. The main promise is “progressive change” which is a pretty meaningless term – hot air – that could mean anything. It appears everyone is adopting the hot-air rhetoric that was introduced by Prezniktwo and has served him so well. CONGRATS to the Norway Tourist board which responded brilliantly to Donald Trump describing it as a “shithouse country,” at political rally in Michigan last Sunday. Still angry for not being awarded the Nobel peace prize, Trump told the rally: “Frankly, Norway sucks. Norway has become a shithouse country, actually. This is an indelible stain on the country of Norway and those people that made such a disgraceful and embarrassing decision…. The Nobel peace prize has been forever discredited.” The Visit Norway website carried pictures of its astonishing public conveniences – one was ranked among the 10 best public toilets in the world – under the headline “Norway makes shit houses great again.” It also said: “These toilets are worth a visit, both when you really have to go – and when you don’t.”