Why we numb our emotions – and healthier ways to cope

From doomscrolling to drinking, there are better ways to seeks redress from the stress of lifeBy Dina Gavarieva We all have moments when life feels too much, perhaps following a difficult conversation, a painful memory, a sense of failure, loneliness, shame, guilt or regret. Many of us will reach for the comfort blanket offering relief. It could be a bar of chocolate, a glass of wine, burning the midnight oil at work, or doom scrolling through social media. It all boils down to the same thing – the search for a temporary escape. These behaviours are not random; they are attempts by the brain to protect us from uncomfortable emotions and they are forms of ‘numbing’. Numbing is the process of reducing our awareness of emotional or physical pain by distracting ourselves, suppressing feelings or creating a temporary state where we do not have to fully experience what is happening inside of us. And that is fine – as long as numbing doesn’t become our main strategy for dealing with life. The reason numbing is so powerful is because it works, in the short term. When we experience emotional distress, our brain perceives a threat and activates stress pathways to flood the body with chemicals designed to help us survive. Eating sugary foods creates a quick dopamine response, giving the brain a momentary feeling of pleasure and reward. Alcohol can temporarily quiet anxiety and emotional discomfort while exercise can release endorphins that provide a sense of control. Television, gaming and social media all work to absorb our attention so we no longer have to focus on what hurts. The brain then learns to associate these things with ‘feeling better’ so the next time we experience some form of distress, it naturally reaches for the same solution. But numbing doesn’t remove the source of suffering – it simply creates a temporary distance from it. The sadness remains when the television goes off. The anxiety reemerges after the bottle is empty. The loneliness returns after hours of scrolling. Over time, excessive numbing can also make emotions feel more overwhelming than they ought to be because we never learn how to move through them. In extreme cases, avoidance can result in a complete withdrawal from life. A striking example of this is the hikikomori phenomenon in Japan, where people become so socially withdrawn that they hide away from the world for extended periods of time. While this represents an extreme situation, it highlights what can happen when escape becomes the only coping strategy at your disposal. So, what to do? Firstly, it will pay dividends to understand what it is it that you don’t want to experience, when such behaviour became a way of coping, and what need you’re trying to meet? The goal then is to find healthier ways to create relief – and this is where you need to look beneath the surface because emotional health is deeply connected to physical health. Nutritional deficiencies can affect mood, energy levels and emotional regulation, so book a blood test and see if you’re lacking. Low levels of certain nutrients, such as iron, vitamin D, B vitamins, magnesium and omega-3 fatty acids, can influence how we feel and function. Hormonal imbalances can also affect mood, motivation, sleep and stress responses. As the gut and brain communicate constantly, the health of our digestive system can influence inflammation, neurotransmitter activity and even our emotional state. Issues such as gut imbalance or infections can also contribute to changes in mental wellbeing. Of course, this doesn’t mean that every emotional struggle has a physical cause, but it reminds us that looking after the body is part of looking after the mind. One of the most powerful alternatives to numbing, along with a good diet, is finding activities that reconnect us with ourselves. Creative expression can be deeply healing so why not try painting, singing, dancing, learning a new language, writing a diary, playing music or discovering a new hobby. These activities allow emotions to move through us rather than remain trapped inside. Movement is another powerful tool, so swimming, walking, yoga or simply spending time in nature can regulate the nervous system and improve emotional balance. Some people also find benefit in practices that challenge the body in positive ways such as cold exposure, contrast showers and breathing techniques. These all help build awareness of the body and teach us that discomfort can be experienced without panic. Perhaps one of the greatest antidotes to emotional numbness is connection so get out there and meet new people or spend time with those who make you feel alive. Join communities. Learn something new. Travel. It’s not always necessary to find a solution immediately – sometimes we simply need to remember there is more to life than the pain we are currently carrying. But if you recognise the pain is too big a burden to shoulder alone – ask for help. Working with a specialist, whether a therapist, a counsellor, nutritionist, doctor or another qualified professional, can provide much needed support and understanding. Seeking help is not a sign of weakness, it is a way of choosing engagement with life rather than retreating from it. So, the next time you find yourself reaching for something to numb an uncomfortable feeling, pause for a moment. Healing does not come from never feeling pain – it comes from learning that we can feel it, understand it, and still continue moving forward. Dina Gavarieva is a qualified naturopath practising at Neomed Institute and Medical Centre, Limassol